Is it cancer???

On Wednesday night/Thursday morning I was talking with my boyfriend on Skype, we finally had time to talk more than twenty minutes so it got us really happy. I finally believed him that he's working for the polish government (after being interrupted by phone calls every two minutes) and realized that it all isn't a fairy tale after all.
well, we started fooling around online and he really turned me on.
I started touching myself, getting ready for some online fun when I realized that I have some kind of a bump on my right testicle, I got turned off momentarily, I told him to hold on for a second and I started inspecting my right nut.
Yes, it was there, a lump about 0.3cm in diameter, it was pretty hard in touch and kind of big.
At that moment I got a flashback from "Queer as Folk" when Brian Kinney finds out he has a testicular cancer, it got me really freaked out.
I couldn't fall asleep for the rest of the night, thinking... "What if it's cancer?"
I don't know
I'm kind of o.k. with it today, because I realize that it's not the end of the world and I don't even know for sure what it is, so I'm about to shchedule my appointment with my family doctor on Monday and if it's possible with Urologyst on Wednesday, so I'll find out for sure.
What I know for now is that even if my testicle is going to be removed;
a) I can still have kids with one testicle if I somehow turn out to be straight ( impossible I'd say)
b) It's not going to affect my sex life
c) I get a fake testicle in the place of the one that had to be removed, and I get to choose the size of it :) lol
Maybe i should let them remove both of them and get big, fake cojones? that would be kind of hot...

But seriously, I'm still little bit affraid of going to the doctor and God, I just hope he's not gonna examinate my prostate "just in case"
I don't want anybody to stick their fingers up my ass without my permission...

P.S. I checked today, and the bump is still there.... does anybody think it might go away by itself???

Swimming against the current...

Well, only a few days went by since my last (and at the same time; first) entry and so much changed.
My boyfriend went to Ukraine on a very long business trip (he's staying there till January), so now there is seven hour difference between us which makes it even more complicated to communicate. And considering that internet is practically nonexistent in that part of the world we have only cellphones land really expensive sattelite internet access left to communicate.
On friday I went to the Greenwich Village in NYC with my friend to grab some sushi and have some fun.
I had a lot of fun there but... I spent almost my whole paycheck and now I'm unable to pay for my phone bill, so it's gonna get disconnected any day now... hehe, thats fun.
I was an hour late to work on sunday because my alarm clock didn't go off, which practically made my boss rip my head out.
Today is monday and i was late to work half an hour but it wasn't really my fault, you see, I was babysitting my sisters kids and my mom was supposed to get out of work before 2:00p.m. to take over. Well, she didn't, she called me twenty minutes to two that she can't get out and I'll have to bring the kids to her. So I had to get them dressed, brush Victoriass hair and clean up all the mess they made.
My boss yelled at me again and wouldn't let me explain what really happened, so I was about to quit my job but when I realized that I need the money to pay for my phone bill i decided to keep my mouth shut.
I'm gonna quit next week.
I got home, I started talking with my best friend about what happened at work
She said that my boss was right to yell at me!
I hung up on her
My best friend turned her back on me. I mean she might have been right but I couldn't help being late, it wasn't my fault.

few days ago i had a little talk with my friend about shaving genital and other areas of the body. I hate doing it because I always get razor burns and cuts. My friend told me that he uses Nair to get rid of all the unwanted hair in all areas of this body
"even on your ass and balls"- I asked
"yeah, it works great"
"But on the bottle it says not to use it in those areas"
"well, thats bullshit. Nothing happened to me"
So I listened to him
I went to Rite Aid
I got Nair
I applied it to my balls, armpits and other parts of my body
Now I can hardly walk.
I am gonna kill that fucker!
My balls are burned
My butt cheeks are burned
My asshole is burned
My armpits are burned
And i still had to shave it all with a razor, because it's done nothing to the hair.
It just seems that the whole world has turned around on me and i have to swimm against the current.


Hey! At least I learned not to use Nair on my cojones.
:)

Sand In My Shoes, Confusion In My Head...

Well, here I go! My First Blogging experience.
To Tell you the truth I've wanted to find out what's all the fuss about ever since I first heard the name "Blog"
So let me get started.
I Live In a medium sized city called Elizabeth which is a shit hole really. There is like literally no life going on.. Well, there is some kind of life going on but it's mostly centered on belonging to some gang and doing lots of drugs.
There is no places you could hang out with your friendson the evenings, and there is totally no places where two gay guys could hang out together without getting nasty looks from other people.
I came here from Poland four years ago and I fuckin' HATE United States!
I'm gay and I live in a Homophobic family which doesn't make it any better and on top of that my boyfriend lives a few thousand miles away..
Sucks, doesn't it?
Well, It's not really THAT bad, and I'm actually getting used to it.
I got a boring job. I was supposed to start college in September but I've decided to take some time off and rest. And I've got a whole bunch of great friends!

So today I was waken up by a call from my friend Iwona who just got out of classes at her university and was coming home. Twenty minutes later I was sitting in her kitchen, having coffee and breakfast, talking about our boyfriends and some other stuff. U know, one of those girly talks over breakfast.
I left her house after 2:15p.m. and as I was walking slowly towards my condo I realized I should have my whole life planned out already. I mean, I'm 19, almost 20 and I still have no idea what the hell am I supposed to do with my life! It's really scary, but at least I know that whatever happens with my life, it'll happen somewhere in Europe because I'm definetely not staying in the US for good.